Don’s Resolve; Ask Questions Instead

Published in Medium on January 4, 2021

Friends, we transition to a new year with common purpose: to plan for a “better” year — one with more juice, greater authenticity, larger purpose, more outcome. Perhaps, like me, you default to the power of declarative statements. I will walk an extra 20 minutes a day; I will write a new play in 90 days; I will replace my secret adoration of potato chips with crispy celery and spicy salsa.

Not bad.

From our work with teams around the globe, we know that asking questions sparks something different; it engages deeper thinking and leads to better problem solving. So what if this year we asked questions of ourselves instead of drafting punchlines which, statistics tell us, are about 90% unlikely to happen? That’s what I’m doing. Join me. Here’s how:

How are we like this boat in Lake Atitlan when we ask a question of ourselves? We are steady and moored yet we can take in vast perspectives that help us navigate forth.

1. Use a question to frame each of your important aspirations. “How can I” is a great way to start. How can I make time to write a play when I’ve got a day job? How can I acknowledge the seductive powers of potato chips and yet succumb less often? How can I tack on extra steps when I’ve already got my walking routine pretty solid?

2. Take a shower. Or whatever helps you lighten up on the gas pedal. Some of your best ideas may come when your executive processor is in low gear such as walking, cruising through the grocery store or sitting with a cup of tea. Ask yourself a question — How can I be sure my play tells a story that’s worth telling — one that has grit and value? — then step away to free up your brain.

3. Locate the “why.” Let the questions marinate so you can tap into a deep motivation for the change. Make it about a larger why, a deeper inquiry that may lead you to an unexpected insight or even a new habit. Q: Why does being more fit really matter to me? A: Because both of my parents lost their lives to diseases where exercise would likely have made a difference. Get moving.

4. Generate more questions that spark off the first one. And don’t hesitate to invite others into the brainstorm. How can I transition between right and left brain work more readily? (Use a walk — aha! — to separate my business tasks from the creator effort of playwriting) What is it I love about potato chips and how can I get that need met? (Laiki black rice crackers — I love a salty crunch and celery isn’t gonna get me there.)

5. Celebrate small wins by proclaiming them out loud. Yes, that’s right, talk to yourself. “So Janice, big idea on the rice crackers. You don’t even want potato chips this week. Go you.”

6. Discover new questions as fresh aspirations emerge. I took at memorable trip to Guatemala’s Lake Atitlan last February and I had my first ever shaman reading. It’s only now that I’m activating around the wise man’s words: How can I inhabit the Jaguar Days that he guided me towards? What does it mean to channel the strength of a jaguar when I’m making choices? I wake and sleep to this question and I‘ve decided to call on my inner jaguar when I face a tough challenge.

7. Bring wonder, positivity, and curiosity to your questions, as a child might. Q: Why am I avoiding writing the second act? A: I don’t know what I really want Grace to discover about her ex. Q: What are you scared of? A: I don’t know if I have the chops to write something that’s horrible and funny at the same time. Jaguar override: You can do it so go for it, just like the jaguar you are.

May 2021 be ripe with questions for you and may you be surprised and delighted by the answers you find.

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